this is a spam blog, just like the last one.
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but i finally have a title and i wanted to share.
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everything...
everything...
everything is less than three~
and i love you all~
even if you never read this.
i know, i know... i'm mad. but i loveeeeeeee youuuuuuu so much~
i love everyone, honest, i do.
it doesn't seem like it, but i dooooooooooooooooo~~~~~~
"You can transmute love, muddle it, ignore it, but you can never pull it out of you."
ah... to be human~
i wonder what this song means to you.
"gravity of love" by enigma.
it's a powerful song. the chanting, the drums and vocals... you can get into quite a mood listening to it.
and you played it, along with other love songs with the same feel.
(you skipped beyonces "halo"... i don't really know why... )
the way you paid so much attention to the music leads me to believe that you wanted her to know something...
that there are emotions that you want to share with her.
but you don't.
it's frustrating.
especially when i know that she has the capability to return those emotions.
(do you always pay more attention to the playlist than traffic?)
you're a good guy.
and handsome.
really.
realllllllllllllly.
good people are drawn to each other.
she was drawn to you... and you to her.
"we accept the love we think we deserve."
so here's my question:
do you think that you deserve more?
or less?
i'm just trying to understand you.
please don't twart my efforts.
(the irony is... that i won't share these thoughts with you... hur hur hur...)
What is a recent white lie you told?
"I love you"
Whoops~
;)
1- close my bank account
2- spend my money on iron supplements (burn the rest)
3- grind up a bottle of iron supplements
4- mix the iron with some egg yolks and make an omelet
5- eat the omelet
i know. i suck at this.
stay tuned for a modified list.
since i can't end it,
maybe i'll just paint it.
i look terrible.
i feel worse.
(but i can't talk to you about it.)
we all have our stories. i don't think that i'm worth the melancholy. or the time. or anything that amounts to much.
so i keep the conversation light.
'cause you've got your own problems.
we've all got our own problems.
i can't burden you with mine.
of all the family
friends
and acquaintances
i've got no one to talk too about these damn emotions.
oh~. it's lonely.
it's a bit gloomy.
but hey, if gets real bad, i suppose that i can just talk to the air.
one touch.
two.
I'm weak. Weak weak weak.
And I despise myself because of it.
I don't want to know what's wrong with me. I just want this to end. But I lack courage.
I lack a lot of things.
"Last Email.........."
I was actually bummed about that one. Heh. I wanted to reply with a "thank you" or something, but I couldn't think of anything to write back. Silly me. Silly, silly, silly.
The good guys always win in the end right? He'll be okay.
Wait... what the fuck? Why do I care?
I just need a little more courage. A little more bravery. Then I can put an end to this.
Some people... they overcome their troubles and become great. Then they get features on the New York Times with the writers praising them for their strength. And people admire them. And people look up to them. Ah, but then these people are humble. "Oh, we can all do it. That strength is within all of us."
Cathy told me that I was brave and strong for telling the truth. So did the detectives. And the lawyers.
I didn't feel brave.
I didn't feel strong.
I just wanted to do what was right.
I didn't want to lie.
But now... I wish that I did.
Maybe the good guys don't win. Maybe it's all a lose-lose situation.
maybe.
its a mighty fine day to die.
I remember the day that I first saw you (we didn't meet until the following week).
I had written the word "FAIL" on a piece of paper with an arrow pointing upwards... and and andddddd when you walked into the room I had held that paper in such a way that it looked like you had a sign that said "FAIL" hanging from your neck.
Oooooh. Mature.
You were wearing blue and you looked stressed out. People poked fun at you... however it was all in good taste. You looked REALLY stressed out man. And is blue your favorite color? I'm just curious, it is the color that I've seen you in the most.
"Dude needs to relax."
I lol'd.
It was nice knowing you, Mr. Stressed-Out Census Guy. :)
i've never felt so tired.
or irritated.
let's be clear about this, i'm not planning on committing suicide.
(i'm too curious about tomorrow to do that)
however... i would like a change of scenery.
i feel trapped here.
i'm so miserable. but we all have our stories.
everyone has their problems...
so it's another fake smile
and another skipped meal.
what am i still doing here?
(you have no where else to go)
